Dear Professor Masina,
I read his articles on the site of the cooperative and wanted to ask you to help me understand what happened with my son. Mario is sixteen years old and has always been a sensible and responsible guy, good at school, even if a bit 'too reserved and quiet. A few days ago, during dinner we asked for the umpteenth time to buy small cars, which already have several of his companions, explaining that not take it anymore to use the buses. My husband was willing to give him while I was firmly opposed. I think the machine is a luxury that pampers kids in their relationship with reality. Also we should make sacrifices to buy it and do not see why we should adopt a lifestyle that not ours. The problem is that when my husband and I have begun to discuss Mario, for the first time in his life, gave out crazy. She started crying and screaming saying that he's tired of seeing that we disagree on everything, you do not feel seen or understood, he would like to live somewhere else. The scene has been going on throughout the evening: the more we tried to calm him and invite him to a more sober discussion he altered. We were accused of being selfish and stingy, hypocrites who are together only because they are afraid to separate, to ruin his life.
My husband was shocked and also because I thought I was incredulous that the tensions of our couple, who had carefully hidden from the children, they had not leaked. I had deluded so far to be able to make them live peacefully, and indeed, I was with my husband for them, convinced that a separation would have damaged them. I seem to have it all wrong and that is not sacrificed myself for nothing. What do you think? The other cases have occurred as ours? Thanks
aid that can give me, Giorgia Giorgia
Dear lady,
at first glance I would say to her that not all evil comes to harm. A child can express his discomfort, and summon the parents to reflect on the situation of the family, although with sustained tones and accents inappropriate, shows it has not yet lost hope to be understood and helped. Perceived, probably, that you parents, who also criticizes, you have the resources to be questioned by him and his suffering and to react. The same hope transpires from the letter that shows the desire not to censor what happened, perhaps to stifle remorse or shame, but to try to figure it out.
The lifespan that his family is going through, one in which a child became a teenager, is in fact conducive to deal with problems that you did not have the ability or the strength to face before. Teenagers are not, as often there seem to be "enemies" who have lost their kindness and tenderness as if they were children or even the snakes that we have inadvertently nurtured within, but rather, in their new status as "foreign" partners that we can indicate where and how did we go wrong, where we lost and where we could, although with difficulty, find ourselves . With all the ruthlessness of his sixteen years Mario attack one of the conditions that were the basis of family relations: what requires to stay together for the welfare of children. Mario fact indicates that the remedy is worse than the disease: rather than protect - his son seems to say - you make me suffer, because avoiding to deal and solve your problems couples
send me a style of operation "hypocritical" that is based on a disconnect between appearance, a happy family, and in essence, a family unhappiness undermined the couple married. It is also worth considering whether the prosecution not to see it and understand it is not based on the feeling that Mario's in your family to some extent the relationship between parents and children has been reversed: you are no longer to ensure their psychological well-being but rather it is he who In his role as a child, acts as the glue of the couple and helps you not confront your relationship problems. I think that when Mario are accused of being stingy so it does not relate to the machine refused, which seems to have a sense of consolation, but rather difficult to commit to your between you and him, going from a situation of emotional withdrawal to a position of exchange and sharing of thoughts and emotions. Perhaps what you say to Mario, which is sensible and responsible, although quiet and reserved, also applies to you. The family, that is, may have inadvertently focused on a position doveristica - you are together because you have to, not because we want - which is perceived by his son as lifeless and claustrophobic enough to think about leaving.
Well, dear lady, her son has grown and there is reporting, with courage and effort, that what has been covered and that was also perceived through the channels that are activated in the mysterious families.
living organisms made of mind but also of bodies and souls. Making the point, with him and among you, weaknesses and resources, perhaps with the help of a psychologist, could open up prospects now are not even thinkable.
Kind regards and best wishes, Emilio
Masina
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