Dear prof. Masina,
I have a son of twenty years through a crisis to me difficult to understand, my husband and I grew up without him we miss anything, we have loved, we have always been present for the difficulty.
Yet despite this, our boy seems to live today than survive: he attended college but soon joined the class, not study, released late in the evening, hang around with friends from one room to another in the morning and sleeping for long. He has no steady girlfriend, but only summary reports, rather short. There are no glaring problems such as drugs abuse of alcohol.
The problem is this lack of motivation.
I tried to talk to him many times but he does not respond or does so with short sentences and broken as if they found inside self-energy even to talk.
few days ago before my stress get a move on and grow up once and he said: "What do I grow?". E 'was to me as if I had slapped him. Why is powering it? What can you do? It might help as a Psychotherapy and motivation to undertake?
Carmen, Vigevano.
Answer:
"It 's sure the problem that seems to unite, albeit in different forms, including many people in an age of at least twelve years, from 18 to 30 years, but also beyond , depends on the difficulty of abandoning a phase of psychic development? It 'sure that this difficulty is to order and therefore pathological psychiatric and psychoanalytic competence? It 'sure that it depends on the seriousness of the commitment to face up to the level of a subsequent stage of development? Sure it does not conceal the legitimate need for a more thorough critique of the existing mature conception of adulthood?
You can not think that the adult state is a condition as complex and difficult to fully realize themselves in relation to adolescence, and that many younger people may have found, compared to late teens, many more 'reasons' adults to succeed?
Madam, I wanted to start my answer with the words written by Arnaldo Novelletto, whose teaching is based on our cooperative. Novelletto expert was a psychiatrist and psychoanalyst. I mean that psychotherapy was her job. Yet we report that psychotherapy is useful and in many cases of young people in crisis is absolutely necessary, not sufficient to explain and respond to problems that many young and less young people today to become adult men and women.
These young people are asked Novelletto, find it difficult to leave adolescence or, rather, to invest their energies in an adult perspective, that is, to find compelling reasons to address the difficulty of subjectivity and develop their own, personal life plan?
His son seems to confirm this hypothesis when he asks: "What do I grow? Reasons that I have, you know that offer reasons for making the effort to establish myself an adult? ".
Psychoanalyst and late adolescence, as in an imaginary dialogue, raise questions that call upon us all. Why, of course, not it's easy to mourn with the child and then with the teenager who has been, giving up omnipotence that, at times, has been reinforced, rather than scaled from parents frightened and in need of affection. But growing up is even harder when the kids do not seem to represent viable alternatives.
In this case give up the powerful position does not mean move to a realistic position of power, choose to no longer be all and none but a man or a woman adults with their own limits but also with resources to develop, capable of discerning what is true and what is false, it promotes confidence in themselves and in relation to others and what, however, the damage.
means, conversely, feel fall from riches to rags, in a terrible state of helplessness with respect to a difficult and hostile world assumption.
"Why do I have to study because I have to slam to win a place in a working world where they are going forward only the recommended and whores? - I recently requested my young patient in a crisis - Why should I make the effort to leave the house in the morning, dealing with traffic, and return home at night and then be equally unhappy? Would not it be better to go where there are people who have much less than us but are happier in life? ".
What it means to grow in today's world, and in our country? What form we are giving to our lives and those of our children or young people entrusted to us? What a testimony pass, perhaps unconsciously, the young people who are watching. The momentum with which we seem to survive does not resemble our own, are not our relatives and their pessimism?
I think that we should try to get out of the individualist perspective, that eighth claim that a child or a parent can survive as isolated individuals and the self-referential sense of despair and futility that assails us collectively, perhaps with the help of a psychotherapist who will help them adapt better to adopt forms of life more conformist, less disturbing to society.
Perhaps after having worked hard to differentiate the characteristics of childhood and adolescence than adulthood there is a need for us as therapists to think more to the relationship between the generations, the stereotypes with which we look at young people and offer their role in the adult with whom they propose to us. We need to make the effort to historicize, contextualize the various traps for the unwary rather than talk about how diseases, invariant factors, which survive untouched at the time and history.
We need to understand when we agree with them unwittingly to spare each other's effort to assume their responsibilities.
I think it is necessary help young people to think about relationships, to understand that life is a process, a becoming, but also presents difficulties and potential rewards, so that they can find reasons to move forward rather than holding a stall, a position increasingly precarious, provisional, or even , regressively return back to search for reasons to be.
We must learn to take care of our relations and to keep them alive, find out how to talk with new teenagers and young adults and are not worried about looking outside, reading the signs of possible distress and be prepared to medicalization, perhaps with the 'help of a personality test, as now seems to go out of fashion among the professionals who care about science. We need to diagnose and find less is more, find out the differences but also similarities.
When we talk to young people is important to remind ourselves of our youth but also not lose sight of our being adults, to give meaning to our specific position in the world that can help young people to look for her. In short, we put his face!
Madam, I can not know, of course, if your child may need a psychotherapy that can help to better focus the difficulties that stand to mature fully the concept of adulthood, as he wrote story, needed to invest more in that direction. The more clearly you and your husband be able to grasp the discomfort of your child and help him make sense of respect to the relationships that are experiencing the more likely your child will take the road of change, perhaps beginning to see a psychotherapist or perhaps with a many other ways.
But I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to stress the need for other adults, parents, teachers, educators may spend more to young people who witness a different world than the present one is possible.
Best regards, Emilio Masina
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